


The Mirror Does Not Show Your Reflection

by Pelkie



Series: When You Return Home [2]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Disney Town (Kingdom Hearts), Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Issues, Minor Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Mistaken Identity, Sea Salt Ice Cream (Kingdom Hearts), The Unversed (Kingdom Hearts), The teeniest tiniest bit of profanity, Vanitas (Kingdom Hearts)-centric, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 14:30:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20083759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pelkie/pseuds/Pelkie
Summary: "I'm having this conversation way too much lately." He muttered.Roxas laughs. "Yeah but, there's a point I promise."[Or: Roxas knows a thing or two about division.]





	The Mirror Does Not Show Your Reflection

“Everyone ready to set off?” Sora calls from the helm of the Highwind.

“Gotta admit,” Roxas saunters ahead of the small group over to Sora, tossing himself into the co-pilot seat to his left, arms crossed. Xion and Riku pause at the cockpit door to watch whatever is about to unfold, while Vanitas slings the cargo he’s holding down for a moment and rolls his shoulders. “I’m a little worried to be a passenger whilst you’re driving. At least Goofy and Donald are usually there for damage control.”

“Umm, _excuse me_?” Sora squawks indignantly. “I’ve been piloting since I was _fourteen_!”

“...Isn’t that a self burn Roxas?” Riku raises a brow.

He rolls his eyes in that dramatic, long-suffering way. The one he reserves especially for Riku. “_Anyway_, I think the only way we’ll know for sure if you’re a natural is if you give me a shot.”

"Nice try!”

They shove each other playfully as Riku huffs his bangs out of his face with an exasperated smile. “Guess that means we’re not quite ready to take off yet. Feel free to get comfortable you two.”

Having his own means to get around the lanes between, Vanitas had never really been on a gummiship before. It was quite a bit more spacious that it appeared from the outside; a command deck, an infirmary, a small kitchen, and little bunkers are things he’d noticed at a cursory glance. The five of them were off to Disney; Sora and Riku to the castle to deliver some synthesis supplies to the Queen for her mages in training, and then to see the King and his two goons Donald and Goofy. Roxas and Xion on the other hand, had caught wind of the mission and wanted to tag along to take a trip to Disney Town.

A few of the others had been invited and declined due to training or prior engagements, but nobody chided the two of them for wanting a little bit of time to be kids and see the world. It reminded him of what Xion had told him, about wanting to create lots of firsts. That’s why when she came and asked him out for ice cream, he figured he might as well see if there was any merit in her statement.

If you asked him about it, Vanitas would call what they have a truce, though Xion is adamant its a friendship. The floods have been...more difficult, and unwilling to yield to his commands lately, and as a result, he’d been doing his best to stifle their creation in return. Admittedly, he’d been climbing the walls of the tower with stirr-craziness. He was used to having free reign within the limits of ‘obedience’ to Xehenort. Not having to listen to the decrepit bastard anymore was good, but, there was an _itch_, that desperately needed scratching. Something even Xion bugging him couldn’t distract him from. Plus, he wasn’t even entirely sure Xion’s offer was refusable. Yen Sid had all but shunted him from the castle when he caught wind of the invite. He’d muttered something about creatures always underfoot in between his lecture about enjoying their youth with all the ire of a parent regretting allowing puppies into the family home.

Nonsense done with for the moment, everyone busies themselves in the ship. Xion is already halfway down the corridor, ready to empty her little rucksack of belongings into her temporary accommodation. Riku and Sora are sharing one room, Xion had been afforded her privacy as the only lady aboard, and Roxas and he were due to be sharing a room with a bunk bed. Vanitas decides to take a leaf and steal the top bunk whilst Roxas is distracted. As for belongings, he didn’t bring much. The fairies haven’t made him an outfit yet, so he’s really just wearing hand-me downs and any black item he can get his hands on. And (oddly), one sleeveless turtleneck from Aqua he’d taken to. Unsurprisingly though, Riku was his biggest donor on that front. He’d heard all about his brief stint into darkness. Between those two and three(and a half if you counted Axel’s affair with Isa) ex organization members making up a sizable portion of the side of light, the blur between light and darkness seemed much more...palpable. Though it was all he really wanted back then, he’d eventually come to assume he would never be able to coexist with his brothers. Riku referred to the phenomena as _dawn_. This new life of his unfolded new truths each and every day.

♡ ♡ ♡

Later, into the evening when Sora has long taken off, he wanders through the cockpit to get a view of something other than the four metal corners of his room and sees the three boys. Riku has taken over the wheel and Sora is at his side, shoulders wrapped in a blanket. The two speak quietly to each other while Roxas dozes on the floor off to the side.

“-said she didn’t want to come.”

Riku hums. “It’s weird, of her to refuse you. Usually she’s so happy to be invited.”

“Well...She’s been training pretty hard lately. Said she didn’t want to stop...”

Sora purses his lips, eyebrows furrowed until he notices him. “Oh-hey Vanitas!”

Riku throws his head back in greeting as his eyes follow Sora’s line of sight.

“Don’t stop the party on my part.” He smiles wryly.

“How could we throw a party without you, Mr. Dance fever?” Sora sticks his tongue out. “How’s your first flight treating ya? I got kind of space sick when I first started out.”

“Guess my stomach is a little stronger than yours.” He crosses his arms smugly.

Sora sniffs. “You just need to finish breaking it in first. Hey, I should get a food gift this time since you guys are having all the fun at Disney Town!”

“Like you wouldn’t rather be wherever Donald and Goofy are anyways.” Riku teases.

“Riku gets me.” He grins.

“God you two are gross. Maybe I _will_ be sick.”

“All we ask is that you clean it up afterwards.” Sora salutes.

“And, hey, would you mind dragging Roxas to bed? He said he wanted to learn to fly but he started dozing like yesterday.”

“M’awake!” A garbled snort comes from behind. The other three roll their eyes.

“Hey Roxas. I already called top bunk.” Suddenly, Roxas snaps to attention like someone had thrown a bucket of cold water over him.

“Wait-no fair I forgot!”

“You snooze, you lose. Well in your case you already snoozed and losed.”

“You better sleep with one eye open.”

“You better sleep with two.”

Their bickering carries on down the hallway until it fades into relative silence. Sora smiles up at Riku, lacing their fingers together. “Glad they’re getting along.”

“Who would win in a fight with you vs you? What comes next will shock you.”  
Sora shoves him.

♡ ♡ ♡

“We should be back in a couple of hours, but use the Gummi phone if you need us for anything alright? ”

“Yeah!” The three chorus back into the phone with varying degrees of enthusiasm.

“And the castle isn’t too far away if you can’t use the phone.”

Xion giggles. “Okay, _Mum_.”

"Have enough fun for us both okay?”

“Get lost, Sora!”

“Okay okay!” With a smile, he fumbles about with something, fingers scrabbling across the screen a little, before the connection is cut.

Vanitas raises his head. Somehow, the place managed to look as blindingly tacky as he remembered it. He was about to throw a remark about how 12 years had done nothing for the place over his shoulder when he caught sight of the wonder etched on the other two’s faces. Oh _brother_.

“This place,” Xion gasps.

“So bright and colourful.” Roxas finished.  
Vanitas sighs. Why did he agree to come again?

“Oh, come on Vanitas! The others said the attractions here are fun. What shall we do first?”

Xion poked at his arm. “We could go check out the race track. How cool are Keyblade Gliders?”

“Aqua said the ducklings do great ice cream here.”

"I also heard there's this weird giant mechanism underground. We should totally see what’s up with that."

Vanitas paused at the strange feeling welling up inside him as he took in their earnest expressions. It was...persistent, but also the thought of examining it any further made him want to squirm. For now, he’d let them have their fun. "I think first, we should get a map."

They hum and glance at each other sheepishly like the thought hadn’t occurred to either of them. He rolls his eyes. Really, did they just bring him so they could chase him around like ducklings?

"Well then, let's go, Van!" Xion chirps as she grabs both of their hands in hers and swings them happily. Roxas follows with a dutiful grin, throwing a pitying glance to Vanitas who looks like he’s considering gnawing his own arm off. His face is not red. Not at all.

  
In the end, the first place they end up is Rumble racing. Both Xion and Roxas made Valiant attempts at creating Keyblade gliders, but unfortunately, it either just wasn’t a function of their current Keyblades, or it was something they’d have to ask Master Aqua about back at Yen Sid’s tower. Vanitas watched them curiously. Ven’s Keyblade had the function, so surely it stood to reason that his probably would too. He summons void gear, tossing it into the air casually. The three watch with bated breath as the Keyblade vanished into a black sphere, before a sleek ebony and crimson gear-shape winged hover board emerged from the mass. It did an Immelmann loop, careening around its audience haughtily before it returned to Vanitas’ side. He grins impishly, unapologetic in his intrigue and triumph, leaping to mount his new gliding beast and twisting to glance down at his two siblings.

“Woah.” Xion breathes.

“I gotta say...the fact that the eyes grew is creepy but...This is so cool.”

“Obviously you two dorks could never imitate how awesome I make this look, but I still deserve the chance to thrash you both. Go grab some go-karts.”

“You’re gonna eat those words, asshole.”

Vanitas did place first in the end, but he learns the hard way that Xion is a fast learner, and she was a very close second. At one point, he even felt the tell-tale nausea of an unversed in his gut as she glided beside him, but luckily, nothing came of it. Roxas comes fourth, grumbling about how much easier things would have been with a glider. Vanitas scoffs, and the two had a lengthy debate about skateboarding techniques even as they wandered through the electric underground. Xion smiles, shaking her head as Van hoists Roxas onto one of the glove mechanisms, despite still insisting that Roxas was just a poor driver in general.

♡ ♡ ♡

“I didn’t expect the line to be so long.” Xion sighs, the three shuffling to the back of the ice cream queue. There was a shorter line for the ice cream beat game, but it was only for fresh cones and the three were grabbing sticks.

“Well, it is a hot day.” Roxas shields his eyes. The sky beams brightly back at him.

“What flavour are you getting Vanitas?”

He glances at the flavours. When Vanitas was first "born", he didn’t have to eat. His body was more like a doll's, stuffed with a dull sadness and pain and nothing else. Over time his body grew. The shell that used to be his skin; the thick skull one might call a 'helmet'. Like snakeskin, they peeled back to reveal that underneath, he was a boy. At the time, he hadn't known what to make of his new face. Until he learned who he’d borrowed it from. Xehenort tossed him basic rations in between 'lessons' every now and then like he was a feral cat, or he stole food. He had a few unversed he accidentally created during first tasting experiences that way.

So when he replies, “The Sea Salt one.” A safe flavour he already knows, he's confused when Roxas and Xion grin wide grins at him.

"Guess it runs in the family."

He takes a moment to process that, blinking between their unabashed smiling faces, and he’s about to grumble out a chiding about the two of them being so goofy, when the moment is carried away from them.

"Do mine eyes deceive me? _Ventus_, is that you? Why, you haven't aged a day!" The three started, turning towards the voice. From the distance, a horse-like local in dungarees and a huge plow collar around his neck bounded over to them with a cheery smile. He reaches for Roxas brazenly, giving him a firm handshake and tipping his hat to him.

Roxas frowns. “O-oh, I’m sorry, I think you’ve got-“

“It’s been so long!” He continues into oblivion. Xion shuffles, staring at the ground. Vanitas’ glower etches deeper.

“You and your pals have missed so many Million dream awards- I’ll bet y’all’d’ve won by a landslide if ya just-”

“You’ve got the wrong guy. Back off.” Vanitas takes the initiative with a step forward, sneering. Horace steps back a little, bracing his hands in surrender.

"Hey, stop, its fine, Vanitas. He didn't know. I'm sorry sir."

He scoffed incredulously. "Why are _you_ apologizing?"

"_Drop_ it, alright?" He said darkly. For a moment, the quartet were still, each of them tasting the tension in the air.

"Roxas..." Xion mumbles. She takes note of Vanitas’ fist clench nervously.

Horace nods. “Sorry, my mistake. I’ll uh, take my leave now.” He tips his hat to the three of them, all but scampering off in his haste. They watch, still anchored like immovable pillars in the wake of the interaction.

But he’s furious. Bile rises in his throat and he swallows it down violently, his teeth grinding. His stomach churns as he outwardly trembles. Though he manages not to birth any unversed.

"Hey..." Xion murmurs, fingers twitching towards him. "Fruit ball?"

Roxas sighs, deflating a little. "Listen, I know you were just trying to protect me, but I don't need it."

"Who the hell said I was trying to protect your sorry ass?"

"Can you grow _up_ for a second and just be _honest_ about how you feel?"

He takes a step back, like Roxas had physically struck him. "...You know what? Forget your ungrateful ass. Forget this town, forget its tacky decorations, forget this entire day. I'm leaving."

"Vanitas!"

His calls have no effect, and Vanitas continues, thundering away as fast as his legs will take him. He breaks into a sprint, disappearing around the corner.

"Roxas.."

"Just...let him cool off for a bit alright? Let's...just get the ice cream."

Xion frowns as her eyes trail over the building Vanitas disappeared behind, but she complies.

He runs, no particular direction in mind, he just knows he needs to get away from there. Away from _them_. He keeps tripping up, relaxing and forgetting himself. Being foolish and feeling like he’d ever...

His stomach curdles and he stumbles into an alleyway. He’d hoped for some reprieve from the bright colours, but between the yellow brick walls and cobblestone rushing up to meet his face, it was like the vibrancy only intensified. He retches violently and his head spins.

“No,” he heaved, slapping a hand over his mouth. But the tendrils of slimy darkness spilled through his fingers anyway. It tries to take form before it’s even left his lips, and he could feel fur, claws, almost imagine the vibration of noise at the back of his throat. He collapses against the wall in a clammy heap as he stares into the pathetic eyes of a Hareraiser. It squeaks as it’s ears twitch.

“Hey,” he barks, watching as it scampers away towards the plaza. He forces himself up shakily, stumbling while he takes after it before it can cause any trouble. But it darts, evading him easily with a squeal as he fights the stars dancing across his growing tunnel vision. He trips, careening gut-first into a ceramic fountain in the town square. He groans.

“Vanitas!?” he hears.

_ Oh great_. He can feel another one coming.

Roxas rushes towards him, dropping to his knees with a skid and throwing a hand over his back. If he was feeling a little more coherent he definitely would have shrugged him off, but the hand was grounding, while he felt so listless. His fingers tighten on the brick.

“Hey, are you okay? Is it happening again?”

“Shut...Up.” He pants.

Roxas is quiet for a moment. He hovers a little longer like he wants to argue, but eventually he sighs, throwing himself down beside Vanitas on the floor and flicking his head back to watch the clouds. There’s the distant drone of festival music and chatter that absolutely does nothing to absolve the nausea, but he’s also aware of the way the spots start to fade, and things are a little bit more clear in Roxas’ company when he starts to parse easier-to stomach sounds like the trickle of the fountain water and Roxas mindlessly tapping his foot.

He sits up a little straighter with a sigh, deliberately refraining from looking to his left, but he still catches Roxas’ head incline a little in his peripheral. He purses his lips.

"...Y'know, I wasn't sure what kind of guy you'd end up to be. I only remember bits and pieces of being inside Sora's heart, but you're a good guy."

He considers ignoring him for a moment, but decides against it. "Hmph. You're as oblivious as him, then."

"No. You're just not as good an actor as you think. Plus, I don't know what went down with you two but Xion thinks you're the best thing since sliced bread. She can be quiet but you bring her outta her shell like Sora."

"..."

"It's weird, looking like him." _Here we go again_ Vanitas thinks crossing his arms. _To hell with it_. He turns, mimicking the way Roxas rest his back against the fountain. Looking at the sky makes him feel a little queasy still, so instead he stares at the lack of dust between the cobbles.

"Back when everyone was telling me I was just Sora's other half and that I was depriving him of his life, all I could cling on to was that, at least this body I had was still somehow mine. Imagine my surprise when I finally make it back and it turns out my face is as borrowed as the rest of me." He chuckles darkly.

"I'm having this conversation way too much lately." He muttered.

Roxas laughs. "Yeah but, there's a point I promise."

"And that is...?"

"Sea-salt icecream."

"..._Huh_?"

"It's our favourite. Axel first bought it for me to commemorate our first mission together. It's salty, but sweet, right? But somehow that just makes the flavour better."

"What does this have to do with-"

"-Shush, I'm getting there. So anyway, It didn't even start with us. It was something Axel did back when he was a kid. But...It’s become bigger than all of us. It brings us, and our friends all together. Even though some of our worst memories were up on that clock tower, they're also the best, because we have each other. That's probably what we like so much about the ice cream. It's the best of both worlds.”

There’s a beat of silence where Roxas glances over, and Vanitas openly stares at him like he’d grown two heads. Roxas balks, flushing lightly and scratching at his head the way he’d seen Axel do a dozen times. He smiles softly like he’d remembered something tender then, and all it really achieves is sending Vanitas’ confusion spiralling even further.

"_Okay_, so my monologues aren’t as grand as Sora’s. _Point_ is, things with Ven might feel a little bit bitter now but...There's no way you could have forgotten. You might be someone else now but you _were_ him at one point. No one is going to be able to understand what you're about better than each other. So stop wasting time being _only_ bitter, and forgetting about the sweet. It can hurt, but working through it can also make you happy."

He can’t really think of a snarky comeback to say to that. Instead, he finally looks at him. _Really_ looks at him, and supposes that he more or less got the gist of whatever pearl of wisdom he was trying to impose. He thinks about how oddly their doppelgangers must have had their wires crossed, to bring he and Roxas to where they were now, wearing the faces of each other’s ‘other’.

"Huh. Y'know, it would probably make more sense if _we _looked alike."

Roxas was kind of like...how he imagined he might have felt to be whole. It was like talking to himself, in a way.

"In my case...I don't think Sora's so bad."

"But Sora has never rejected you." It rips out of him before he can stop himself. He clutches at his chest and stomach.  
Roxas looks ready to reply, but his comment is lost as Vanitas jolts to his knees and chokes up more tendrils of darkness. A little white Hareraiser skitters out of the darkness, and with an irritated scoff, Vanitas summons void gear again and rears back to swing-

-Only to halt just before he strikes Roxas in the face. He’s thrown himself between the two of them, arms up like an idiot trying to protect the little thing any one of them would have gladly struck down not too long ago.

"Don't. It's okay. It's okay to feel bad things sometimes. Just...it's also okay for you to feel good." Roxas holds the little rabbit unversed in his arms. It's shivering, just like Vanitas, who still looks clammy and feverish. Void gear dematerializes.

"Listen. I might be talking out of my ass, but, try talking to him in earnest, without the bravado and name calling. No one likes to be wound up, do they?"

  
“...Roxas....I-”

  
“-Vanitas!? Roxas!?” Again, their heads swing around at the sound. Xion had yelled in dismay at the sight of them. Vanitas is positively green looking at this point, and the two boys are sitting in a crowd of Unversed. They can only imagine what’s running through her head. She drops the 3 ice cream packets she’d been holding and makes a beeline towards them.

His violent shivering persists. She crawls to his side, stepping through some agitated floods to make it to his left on the floor and rub his back. She looks to Roxas helplessly.

"We're okay, I think. Should just maybe call it a day."

"O-okay. Hey, Van, can you stand?"

He groans. "M'fine. Just...give me a second."

They manage a decent compromise, at least tugging him from the ground and having him sit properly on the edge of the fountain. Xion looks between them again, biting her lips to fill the silence. Roxas breaks it just moments later.

"Vanitas, be honest. What is it that you want?"

"I want...." Is that something he can be honest about? "I want to speak to him."

It’s a simple thing that he wants. Or at least, it should be. No one comments on it, and he’s pretty grateful for that small victory in the mess of the afternoon.

Gradually, the pain in his stomach decides it’s had its fill of terrorizing him and recedes, as do most of the unversed melt peacefully back into his skin. He’s a little tired and boneless, and when they get back to the castle, he’s tempted to jump onto the first bed he sees and sleep, broom guards be damned. Xion had taken the little Hareraiser from Roxas so he could go grab Vanitas some water while they started on their ice cream.

She played with its ears with her free hand, and it made little squeaking noises, making her smile. She thought it sounded indignant as it sniffed. "You know...this little buddy is kinda cute."

"Don't get used to him. He'll be gone soon."

"Does that mean you feel better?"

"Yeah."

"That's good."

He rolls his eyes for what feels like the millionth time that day. "You're all insufferable."

"I guess I'll just eat your share of ice cream too then huh?" A bottle is tossed his way. He takes a swig and uses it to wash the strange taste out of his mouth and spit it into a neighbouring bush. Roxas pulls his buzzing Gummi phone out of his pocket with a guilt-ridden wince.

“That, would be the cavalry.” He murmurs.

“What’s the damage?” Xion wonders aloud.

“Let’s see.” He sits at her side on the fountain and the two look into the screen. Vanitas glances over. He's not one hundred percent on whether it's just down to strange Castle lighting or not, but he swears Sora looks a little pallid on the Gummi phone.

He smiles for them the way he always does, but he melts into Riku’s shoulder, and its him who does the talking. "You guys ready to call it a day? Accommodation for us all is set up at the palace. We'll head home tomorrow."

"Sure."

It’s a lot lighter than the frantic mothering from earlier, and something about that makes the hair on the back of his neck stand up, but then Roxas is looping one of his arms over his shoulder and putting a steadying hand on his back, and Xion sort of threads her arm through his and tries to take some of the weight whilst she tucks the little Hareraiser under her other arm, and he’s so preoccupied by the foreign sensation he doesn’t have any more room in his head to dwell on that.

He definitely feels like he might still hurl, and the way Xion’s eyes glow as she glances at the dangerous bunny promises nothing but trouble, but somehow it still manages to be a marked improvement on his last visit to this tacky little festival town in the land of Disney. Setbacks and all.

"Let’s make time for fruit ball next time?”

“...No.”

Despite everything, it’s an easy walk.

**Author's Note:**

> Do I win a reward for fitting 'y'all'dve' into a fic
> 
> No, but in all seriousness, this was an odd one to write. Like Good morning Poppet, it needed a lot of tweaking. I'm still not sure where I stand on it but it was time to let it go so we can move on.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed yourself! Find me lurking on twitter @pelkiepel! Let's be friends :)
> 
> Until next time! <3


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